EDITORIAL The Dangers of Cookie Clicker
1 year ago • 5,888 Views

One night, I got extremely bored and decided to try out this program I had heard so much about but never really interested me. It was Cookie Clicker, a click farming app that for some reason had an insanely high reputation considering what it was. All you did was click the cookie on screen and use the cookies you click to buy power ups that will automatically click the cookie for you. That is literally it; not much else can be used to describe it. So you think it would be a rather boring experience right? Well unfortunately, that is where you'd be wrong.

Shortly after starting the game, I was beginning to get pulled in by the simplicity and casualness that the app presented itself in. One click, two clicks, three clicks. Just watching that number rise was giving me a weird sense of accomplishment, but like the sugary-sweet addictive flavor of the pastry that the app gets its name from, I needed more. Ten clicks, fifty clicks, one hundred clicks, I couldn't stop. Bake those cookies my little virtual grandmas. Bake until you can bake no longer.

Then out of nowhere, a large golden cookie appears. I clicked the shiny sweet biscuit, then my total started to skyrocket. One thousand cookies, five thousand, twenty thousand. My confectionery greed knew no bounds. This app had its claws in me and I could not escape. I needed to sober up from the game. I tried to leave for a while to do something else, but I had forgotten to close out the window. When I came back I had over one million cookies. I bought farms, mines, factories, anything and everything that would maximize my cookie output.

The Grand Matriarchs were pleased with my performance, but they questioned my loyalty. They demanded I seal a pact with them, to prove I was loyal, to prove I cared only for cookies. I needed time to think, I had billions of cookies and was feeling proud of myself. I didn't feel like the pact was needed, so they bribed me with even more cookies. I looked at the time; six hours I was trapped in this app, but before I could refuse the offer, it had already been done. The pact had been sealed and the horrors of the Grand Matriarchs had been unleashed.

My cookie count went up at an extraordinary pace, one trillion cookies, two trillion cookies, but it wasn't long when their horrid wrinklers arrived from the cookieverse to consume all I had worked so hard to build. I needed out. I needed to escape from this app before it completely consumed my life. There was only one thing left I could do. I pulled the plug. And with that act, I was free. The app no longer controlled me with the promise of digital confections.

Now if you're all scratching your heads in confusion after reading all of that, please allow me to explain. Let my experience be a lesson to you all. Don't let an app or game consume your life. I unknowingly spent over six continuous hours on a program where all you do is watch a number go up while clicking on a digital cookie, but now it feels like something is now missing from my life. I long for that effortless sense of accomplishment again. Hmm... Maybe just one more go...

AMP Version
Cory Clearman

To me, it doesn't matter on how a game looks, how the characters dress, or what message its trying to convey, I'm a gamer first and foremost and as lo... See more

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