Below is the original script for the video, yes the spelling is horrible, Ed can't spell, I'm sorry. And yes, this is satire. -Cat

100% Accurate Review Of:
RISE OF THE TOMB RAIDER (PC)
By Edward Luke DeYoung, Pants Gaming.

Rise of the Tomb Raider is a F***ing piece of sexist S***!

It’s 2016 and sexist piece of S*** games like Rise of the Tomb Raider are still being made. Games like this set back what Feminism has been doing for the last 100 years. Rise of the Tomb Raider is made by Crystal Dynamics, now the most sexist game developers on Earth and here’s why.

Everything about Rise of the Tomb Raider triggered me. Seeing a women get hurt, triggered, being shot by disgusting CIS White Men who haven’t F***ing checked there privilege, triggered, Lara feeling pain due to the harsh weather, triggered, animals attacking her because she’s a woman, triggered, Lara getting hurt by the environment, triggered, the fact that people are treating Lara differently due to her being a woman, triggered. I bet she only has 70% total ammo compared to the men in the game.

Even in cut scenes, Lara is being told what to do and can’t think for herself because the game developers believe that woman are unable to think and make decisions independently without the help of a strong white man.

Throughout many points in the game for the plot to move forward a man is always needed. Like when Lara needs to climb to the top of a mountain she is unable to climb up without the help of a man. When Lara is trying to escape from prison she is forced to escape with the help of a man. When Lara is trying to find a secret entrance to a lost city a man is the one who reveals the entrance to her. For F***’s sake! Everything about the character arc of Lara Croft involves the unnecessary assistance of a man which is F***ing sexist and shouldn’t be allowed in video games.

I was barely able to finish Rise of the Tomb Raider with all this triggering that was happening throughout the game. I think I might even have PTSD! Not the type the people in the military get, REAL PTSD.

Everything about Lara’s character design is sexist, her clothes are to revealing and insinuate her slim figure, her breasts and but are too big and the biggest problem with Lara’s character design is that it f***ing fat shams “larger women“ who have REAL curves. At one point a “larger character“ in the game dies due to their size. When will game devs learn to not set unrealistic body standards for people who identify as a woman. This is not what real beauty looks like. Check your F***ing privilege your S*** lords. F***.

That’s the other thing about the writing, other characters in the game refer to Lara as a woman. What the F*** is this gender binary Bull S***. No one at any point in the game asks what Lara identifies as or asks what pro-nouns to use to describe her gender. Like I said earlier, this is a very difficult game to play due to the heterosexual nature the game normalizes and forces down your throat.

And then the game forces typical tropes in the story like Lara having to save a heterosexual male. Why the F*** isn’t he a LGBTQAR! Like seriously, the gay and trans community is completely under-represented in this game to the point of THERE IS NO LGBTQAR CHARACTERS IN THIS GAME, For F***’s Sake!

I am sick of this F***ing S*** that keeps happening in the gaming industry where it forces these incorrect behaviours down your throat. Why can’t more main stream games be like; Life is Strange, Gone Home, Sunset, Depression Quest, Emily is Away.

Wouldn’t Rise of the Tomb Raider be great if Lara was; body size realistic, homosexual, trans fluid and independent who uses their own pro-nouns and corrects others when they describe Lara as a gender binary woman instead of who Lara really is.

Imagine if the game started with Lara and Jonah climbing the mountain and Lara explaining her gender identity and what pronouns Jonah should be using when talking to her. And also it would be great if Lara could talk about why feminism is needed in First World countries where women are oppressed and marginalized because of the CIS White Men that inhabit it.

This is why more games need Feminist on the writing team so ideas that I wrote above can happen and improve the representation of feminism video games.

There are other elements to Rise of the Tomb Raider like the gameplay which has been improved from the previous game but you’ll probably not notice any of these changes due to all the triggering you will go through whilst playing this game. As a Feminist, I actually had to take a break from being a Feminist to actually notice the gameplay changes, but even when I turned it off I still got triggered, like at the start of the game:
Lara can dive under water, but can’t stay under for too long cause she’ll run out of air. Look at this lazy as piece of S*** game design. How I would’ve designed the dive mechanic is by having Lara identify as a fish for these segments so she’d be able to breathe under water perfectly.

The other element to Rise of the Tomb Raider is the graphics. The presentation looks okay I guess, other than the sexualize clothing all the women have been designed to wear by the heterosexual males at Square Enix.

First the game will trigger you for violence against a women because Lara’s a women, then you’ll get triggered because the game developers force gender binary beliefs down your throat, S*** on anyone who identifies as trans or homosexual and have designed pro men story arcs that Lara can’t go through without the help of a man. And the lazy, unintuitive gameplay and sexist graphics will have you wanting to turn this game off in the first 10 minutes and get a refund.

Final Thoughts
My gender neutral friends, I really wanted to like Rise of the Tomb Raider I really did, but due to the disgusting treatment of women, the LGBTQAR community and for fat shaming every person who has real curves and every other problem listed above I have no choice but to give Rise of the Tomb Raider a 0/10.

Due to all the PTSD this game has given me, to help pay for my medical bills support me on patron, go fund me, kick starter and possible. Thank you. And please like and subscribe.