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Classic Games that Stood the Test of Time! Part One!

Video games come and go. Such is the way of life in a constantly shifting industry. Back in the day we had two-dimensional games where we shot things in the face for points, and now we've got three-dimensional games where we can fuck Japanese-Anime sluts for fuckpoints. Fortunately, we’re not really here to discuss how many sexy-score we can get for Onii-Chan’s Fuk Fuk Adventure although a later editorial may come in handy.

"Winkidy wink."

Some say that graphics make the game, others say story√¢‚Ǩ‚I am an advocate of the latter. While it’s great to see how defined Master Chief's ass is in the remastered Halo edition, I must say that the games that have stuck with me throughout my existence seemed to all have the makings of cult hits based on gameplay, story, music, and overall atmosphere as opposed to the ultimate aesthetics. So I decided that maybe it would be time to show some of my favorite games that I believe are as good today as they were when they were released eons ago before the fire nation attacked.

"Dem pixels doe."

This series will just focus on some of my favorite games, and the reasons to why I think they are as great now as they were back then. I love them and continue to play them all on account of their story, atmosphere, how well the game affected me, and even the gameplay itself. This editorial is what we like to call an opinionated piece, and whether or not you agree or disagree, may I inform you that tissues are cheap in this day and age, and if not, you can always wipe away your tears with a sleeve, or a sock, or whatever’s at hand. This is a personal editorial on some of the greatest games I believe have been made. Whether you agree or not, is completely your choice.


Fear comes around a second time, to fuck you in the ass.

When I was a baby boy, I remembered playing a pirated version of this on my chipped PlayStation 1. Being launched into the fiery abyss of a destroyed truck, to running through the choc-a-bloc streets of Raccoon City with zombies all around, you couldn’t help but just shit your pants as a child. The memories were just infinite; the music upon entering the R.C.P.D with those piano chimes, and the clicking cacophony of feet against the whistling wind of the dead city and the Licker jumping down from the ceiling√¢‚Ǩ‚OH JESUS.

Turn off. Unplug. Wind up power cable. Throw out window. Never play again.

Resident Evil 2 was just one of those chart topping, survival horrors that was burned into my fears as a child. I remember it having the same effect as Dino Crisis, with its haunting score and diverse range of enemies; all scary, all shit-pantingly horrific in their execution against the map.

The game was just beautiful in so many ways too though, from the classic conspiracy story, the replay value, and the constant fear of things coming for you all the way to the entire atmosphere of the city to the underground Umbrella base. It was one of the first horror games I played, and one that haunted me for years to come. I always find myself going back and relaying it every couple of weeks or so. It was a classic, straight up in every way; except for that really bad cardboard voice-acting which I don’t miss so much.




That fucking music.

Doo-doodoo-doo. Doo-doo-


Super Mario Land was the first game I ever played on my original Game Boy way back in the summer of '98. My grandmother bought me it, and from that first level with that music ingrained into my brain so much I’m sure I can still hear it on quiet nights, I was hooked. The gameplay was the core dynamic of a Mario game, all the while being able to play it while in my mom’s car while I wore that flaming dragon shirt and sunglasses, counting how much pussy I was gonna get when I hit that Egyptian world.

"These brothers ain't the only thing with hammers, youknowwhatImean?"

We all knew it. The tiny screen, the hammer brothers fucking you up, and the impending doom as you watch your whole life-count slip away into nothingness. Super Mario Land is the definitive Mario game for me√¢‚Ǩ‚and I know I’m gonna hear some screams about how Super Mario Bros or Super Mario 64 is the ultimate game but to me, playing this at my nan’s house, getting all the way through to the end and dying in a fiery blaze of anger from that one hammer hitting me, well that’s just pure childhood right there.


Gotta go faster.

The first console I ever owned was a Sega Mega-Drive (or Sega Genesis depending on where you got the shit but I don’t know, who cares, I don’t) and the first game I ever actually played was Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s safe to say that this was the game that launched my love of video games altogether. Cutting through Green Hill Zone to that beautiful, instant-childhood inducing music, and then Marble Zone, Casino and the others just always makes me happy. I loved Sonic growing up and I still love it now, with the help of emulators and improved technology it’s still a game I play on the go. It’s a classic to me and many others I know. Although I have rarely ever managed to complete it.

My tinder esque story gt be 16 years old sign 7

"I'm still a good gaymur, right?"

This game just gets mentions on the nostalgia factor. It’s always been a favourite and is still one of them.


Arkham Beta 0.2

Before we were given the beauty of Rocksteady’s Arkham series, and that one game where Christian Bale actually did voice-work, Batman Vengeance was released on PlayStation 2. I remember getting this game for Christmas and wondering what the fuck was going on with it. After much excitement I played it, and was absolutely blown away by it. I was one of those 90's kids that grew up with the Batman Animated series, would wear Batman pyjamas, collect corpses of dead bats and hide them under my bed√¢‚Ǩ‚

Well, I loved Batman, that’s what was key. The story was an original, focusing on the good and juicy tidbits of the show with familiar faces like Mister Freeze, The Joker, Harley-Quinn and everybody’s favorite caped crusader; Brucey himself. The gameplay was like the original Arkham game, truly, in the fact it had stealth components, Hamill and Conroy as the bitter enemies, and plenty of cool levels, secrets, cheats, and an enthralling story involving Batman and the Joker in a tussle of moral crusades against Gotham. The music and cartoonish style was great. I still play this when I can on my old PS2. The style, story, and overall atmosphere was just like the TV show, except you could fly around and fuck shit up with batarangs way before Arkham’s series made it cool. Take that, mainstream douches.


"Yeah I like it, but you’ve probably never even heard of Vengeance anyway."


Bagged for life!

I’m somewhat of a Rockstar fanboy. Take me outside, line me up, and pelt me with copies of San Andreas until I die, but that’s the truth. I think their early games were some of the greatest ever created, and none other stands to gain my approval more than the disturbing, gory, and beautifully atmospheric creation that was Manhunt. This game has been widely controversial and was even the focus of a large court case involving a murder which was said to have been implemented due to the games graphic content. The case was thrown out but come on! A game that makes this much controversy must be great. I mean, you can literally suffocate people with a Tesco bag.


“The second Karen turns, I’m going for a three-star kill.

The story centers on death row convict: James Earl Cash, who is sentenced to death, but is given a second chance by a grimy, fat snuff-film director called Starkweather who puts Cash through many trials in the decaying Carcer City for cheap thrills, footage, and monies. The game implemented stealth kills with pretty much anything, including plastic bags, glass shards, baseball bats, and even wires. The voice-acting from Brian Cox is absolutely fantastic, as well as Craig Conner’s score, the gameplay which is a mix of both stealth and all out brain-damaging gore, and the atmosphere pushed the boundaries of improvisation in terms of killing, and the feel of Carcer really puts you in a city that feels real, scary, and full of psychotic chumps waiting to hunt you down and cut you up!

It's got everything from a crazy, dark 80s-type score, a multitude of weapons, brilliant voice acting, degradation, fantasies of snuff, rape, violence, gore, and all for under $15. Bargain blood!


Bald Strategy!

I loved the PS2 gaming era. I loved everything from Ico to Final Fantasy VII. I loved MGS, I loved so many games but Stealth Assassin was just one of those games I absolutely loved to play over and over and over and never got bored. You could be the hitman of your dreams. You could sneak in like a shadow, carefully dressed as the maid, delivering fresh pants upstairs and when your victim ain’t looking you could shiv him in the kidney or strangle the life out of him, dress in his clothes, and walk away like a king. OR you could do it my way and step in there with an MP5 and fucking obliterate all the witnesses; the kids, the dog, the God-damn maid, the bodyguards, that one little frog, the scarecrow, and even yourself if you felt like it with that little sticky bomb.

Stealth Assassin was just a brilliant game from start to finish, from each level showing diverse paths, a multitude of weapons, Jesper Kyd on the drums, and of course Agent 47 himself. I remember going to my dad’s and playing this for hours on end, never really faltering in my attention to detail in making sure every. Single. Person. Was dead. There would be no witnesses in the end. I was the reaper. Eight year old me had the makings of a homicidal, nay√¢‚Ǩ‚genocidal maniac, and we have Eidos to thank for that shit.

That’s it for part 1 but watch this space for other parts as we’re in for a sexy, bumpy ride. Do you agree with me, do you disagree with me? Comment and let me know if you think I'm an asshole or a nostalgia-whore. I promise to get back to you! Hopefully more to come in the future!

Edited by Admin on Wednesday 20th of April 2016 11:24:05 AM : 
Removed external images and replaced with those uploaded to nG and fixed some formatting


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