Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when our common goal was waiting for the world to end, but since that isn't going to be happening any time soon I might as well settle for what is pretty much the end of the world in my book: Bad Nintendo franchise games. Nintendo usually has a fantastic track record when it comes to enjoyable video games, but once in a blue moon for some unknown reason, a game of questionable quality will slip through the cracks and grace the world with its unfortunate existence. So I figured since it is Halloween, I figured 'tis the season and I would list off ten games that were made by Nintendo or one of their subsidiaries that I don't particularly enjoy all that much, because for a gamer, what's truly scarier than a poorly made game?
(Please keep in mind that my opinions may or may not reflect your own, this list is entirely biased.)
Yoshi Topsy Turvy (Game Boy Advance)
While I like a fair majority of the games in the Yoshi series, I'm not entirely sure what was going through their collective minds when they developed this abysmal game. There are times in the game where it hardly ever feels like an entry in the Yoshi's Island series and those spirits that give you missions to do in order to up the difficulty don't even feel like they were meant for a Yoshi game in the first place. In addition, the gyroscopic controls are stiff and unresponsive; the motion sensors in Warioware Twisted were of much better quality and that game came out before this one. Luckily they haven't made a sequel to this drek so they must have taken notice of its poor design choices.
Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival (Wii U)
An unusual board-game spin off of the Animal Crossing series, but I honestly think it should've been left on the drawing board. It is a retail game that downright REQUIRES the use of amiibo to play effectively, you only get one randomly chosen board to play on and you can't get a new one without erasing your progress, the minigames (which require the amiibo cards) are non-existent through normal play and can only be accessed from the plaza, and online play doesn't exist which would've helped a game like this even if it wasn't by much. If you still want to get it I can't stop you, but just to warn you I actually got so bored playing this game that I almost fell asleep.
The Legend of Zelda: Tri Force Heroes (3DS)
As you all know, I love The Legend of Zelda series and will often go out of my way to get anything Zelda related, but when I got this entry in the series, I feel like maybe this game might have been nothing more than one expensive experiment. This game seems to focus mostly on co-operative battles and player interaction over puzzle solving which completely misses the point of the series. Plus this game is damn near impossible when playing solo and since its online multiplayer is region locked, finding anyone who will play with me is a challenge in and of itself since I usually only have time to play late at night. That, and the unnecessary inclusion of the "doge" meme, made this a rather unpleasurable experience overall.
Paper Mario: Sticker Star (3DS)
Compared to its successor, Paper Mario: Color Splash, this game was an absolute snore. The dialog was uninteresting and bland and Bowser didn't have a single speaking role throughout the entire ordeal, the worlds were uninspired and just rehashed ideas that had been used in past entries in the main series Mario games, and everything done when in battle were only through the use of consumable items and fights yielded no experience of any kind. I actually got so tired of this game's shenanigans that I basically just did a speed run of everything after the halfway point. Overall, this game was such a disappointment to experience.
Metroid: Other M (Wii)
Metroid has been one of those series that I enjoyed just about as much as The Legend of Zelda and I was quite excited for Other M when it was originally announced, but after playing it again recently, it left such a sour taste in my mouth. First of all Samus's official height in every other entry in the series is 6'3" where as she's around 5'9" in Other M. While not too much of an issue on its own, when I found out that the devs shrank her so she specifically was shorter than Adam, her old commanding officer, I saw that as a stupid and petty design choice that demeans her as a strong female character. And while the gameplay isn't too bad, I think I can pretty much sum up all the problems this game has in one quote directly from the game...
"Samus, activate the Varia feature on your suit to protect yourself from heat damage."
- Adam Malkovich, roughly 20 minutes after entering the sector that requires the Varia Suit
Pokemon Dash (DS)
This game baffled me. It was a foot racing game where the only playable character was Pikachu, and you played by repeatedly swiping the screen in the direction that you want to go. If this game was released for iOS or Android devices for free, people would thing nothing of it, but since this was a retail game on the DS that got very stale and repetitive VERY quickly due to there being only one playable character, there was no reason to keep playing after you beat the first grand prix. Once you've played one map, you've pretty much played them all. Not even the ability to make new maps from the GBA slot could save this one.
Kirby Squeak Squad (DS)
As far as the Kirby series has gone, I've had pretty much no complaints with any game that has been released in this series so far, barring this particular one. Despite the baffling story to the game where it revolves around Kirby trying to recover a stolen slice of cake, it plays pretty much like what you would expect from a Kirby game, but compared to the other games in the series, this game is far too easy, even by Kirby standards. Plus some of the sound effects sound a bit off with the sword being the biggest offender having this horrendously high-pitched ding happen whenever you perform a combo attack. While this is a decent first game for newcomers to the series, this is in my opinion the weakest in the series due to its unchallenging gameplay (by Kirby standards) which ultimately renders this game forgettable to me.
Alleyway (Game Boy)
An attempt at making a Breakout clone with heavy emphasis on "attempt." Unlike Arkanoid, a much better Breakout clone which had been out on NES earlier, this game had no power-ups or enemies to destroy and extremely limited options for gameplay alterations. The stage progression was also very predictable and the difficulty was unfair for what type of game it was. I suggest if you want a good Breakout clone on the Game Boy, just play Kirby's Blockball. It is so much more unique and a helluva lot more fun.
Wii Fit series (Wii, Wii U)
I feel that a good number of us gamers can probably agree that fun and exercise can mix well when its done right, but one thing I can guarantee is complete and utter bullcrap is Nintendo's attempt at making a fun fitness game. Personal fitness is not a game, nor should it be treated like one. While I agree that if you want to get back into shape that you need to find your own personal workout regimen that works for you with some fitness games sometimes falling under this category, this "game" series is pretty much just torture and insulting to anyone that wants to lose weight or improve their health. The way this game uses your ideal BMI as an "endgame goal" is an absolute joke and it doesn't even take into consideration skeletal build or total muscle mass. You need to have an accurate measurement of all three, otherwise its just a demeaning experience. The fitness games on XBox Kinect look more fun and effective than this.
The Virtual Boy
And the pi√®ce de r√©sistance, the one thing that almost made me completely lose faith in Nintendo's ability to make a fun gaming console: The Virtual Boy. This red and black monstrosity had an astoundingly short lived run and had a library of games that barely exceeded 20 titles in all regions combined. But how could that be? I'll just cut to the chase and tell you that it was the godawful screen colors when you looked into the apertures of the device. On a monochrome screen, you should never EVER use a display color scheme that can induce headaches even after short periods of play. It's just a shame that none of the good games that were released on this thing ever got ported to a later system in Nintendo's repertoire of systems.
Being a hardcore Nintendo fan, these stains and marks on Nintendo's image physically hurt me as I know that they are capable of doing so much better. But I also know that they are only human and they likely learned a lot from making mistakes like these. They took features from Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival and just added them to New Leaf as an update, they built upon Paper Mario: Sticker Star and made a somewhat better entry as Color Splash, and after the failure of the Virtual Boy, they didn't experiment with 3D imagery again until the 3DS. Hopefully Nintendo won't continue make any mistakes this bad in the near future, but until then, I'll be seeing you.
Edited by Gilgamesh