In the midst of poor journalistic integrity, lazy game optimization, rising video game costs, and pirating digital media still on the rise, there is a savior of the gaming industry doing a job no one ever asked for, or realized we needed. Its name is: DRM.
DRM, or Digital Rights Management, is a “systematic approach to copyright protection for digital media“ and a way to “prevent unauthorized redistribution of digital media and restrict the ways consumers can copy content they've purchased“.
So basically, due to all the nasty, poor, disgusting people who illegally pirate games and other digital media, a new system had to be created to protect the copyright holders’ content.
Now, I know you’re thinking, “But DRM sucks, especially always online DRM. I’m sometimes unable to play games because of it“. Or “Passive DRM programs like Steam, Origin and uPlay (which all double as digital store fronts) ruin games, and end up being another program running in the background“. But I’m here today to prove to you why DRM is great and how it will revolutionize the gaming industry.
1. It makes sure game developers get paid for their work
Now I don’t know about you, but we live in a capitalist society, where if you make something worthwhile you should get paid for your time and effort.
Pirates, on the other hand, want to unrestrainedly eradicate our capitalist society and believe we should be living in a socialist society where everything should be free, and you know what the next step from socialism is? COMMUNISM. And in a Communistic society, Developers wouldn’t be able to receive a fair pay for a fair day’s work.
2. It makes you feel safe
When you buy a game you should feel safe that no one will be able to steal your game key. DRM makes sure that once your key has been activated, it will stay linked to your account and that it won’t be stolen by criminals.
3. C’mon, it’s 2016
Why would you want to torrent or illegally download a game in 2016? What? Are you a criminal? (As well as sexist?)
4. Pro tip, you can’t anymore
Due to the huge rise of pirating in the gaming industry, a software firm had enough and reached into their code and made Denuvo. Denuvo is literally the greatest thing ever to happen in the gaming industry since pong. It BTFO’s pirates and protects games from being illegally distributed.
5. Quit being poor!
Yes I know, “this isn’t why DRM is great, you’re just reinforcing a sad truth I’m trying to forget about“. But it needs to be said, it’s simple. If people weren’t poor, DRM wouldn’t be a thing!
Remember what I said earlier, that due to poor people pirating digital media like video games, DRM had to be created to protect digital media. Wellif you weren’t so poor, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we? So quit being so lazy! Get off your lazy arse and go find a job! Go to college if you have to! Just do something! You’re hurting the gaming industry!
6. Valve's Gabe Newell has died for your sins!
As it reads in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, No one gets good deals and amazing service except through me“. Gabe Newell died for the sin of illegally downloading games and yet we continue! Was his death for nothing!? We all demand better in the gaming industry, but maybe it’s not DRM that should be blamed but us!
7. I shouldn’t be the one who has to educate you
Seriously you lazy bastards, why do I have to teach you this? You should just know that pirating is bad and you shouldn’t illegally download digital content! What? Do you hate F R E E D O M ?
8. C’mon! It’s 2016!!!
I can’t believe I need to say this again, but I will! Why pirate games when you can just spend your money and buy them! You do realise illegally downloading games is against the law right? You could even go to jail!
9. DRM is paving the way for the future
I’ve already mentioned that DRM programs like Denuvo is already Rekin’ pirates and because of it, it is paving the way for a pirate free gaming industry. Developers will one day be able to put out games whenever they think the game is complete, and at whatever price they believe is reasonable.
10. Listen and Believe
What I have written in this article is THE TRUTH. DRM is great and will revolutionise the gaming industry and digital media. If you follow the reasons listed above, game developers will be paid in full for their honest work and not feel like they need to worry about job security.
And one day, we might live in a world free of pirates trying to turn our great capitalist society into a communist one.
Thank you for reading my informative and objective article on DRM. If you wish to join me in my fight to DE_Stroy DRM, then follow me on twitter “@MrED_What“. And why not read some of our other articles on our profile.
Please note, this is satire
This is what ED does when he doesn't have access to his computer...
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