Below is the original script for the video, yes the spelling is horrible, Ed can't spell, I'm sorry. And yes, this is satire. -Cat

100% Accurate Review Of:
RISE OF THE TOMB RAIDER (PC)
By Edward Luke DeYoung, Pants Gaming.

Rise of the Tomb Raider is a F***ing piece of sexist S***!

It’s 2016 and sexist piece of S*** games like Rise of the Tomb Raider are still being made. Games like this set back what Feminism has been doing for the last 100 years. Rise of the Tomb Raider is made by Crystal Dynamics, now the most sexist game developers on Earth and here’s why.

Everything about Rise of the Tomb Raider triggered me. Seeing a women get hurt, triggered, being shot by disgusting CIS White Men who haven’t F***ing checked there privilege, triggered, Lara feeling pain due to the harsh weather, triggered, animals attacking her because she’s a woman, triggered, Lara getting hurt by the environment, triggered, the fact that people are treating Lara differently due to her being a woman, triggered. I bet she only has 70% total ammo compared to the men in the game.

Even in cut scenes, Lara is being told what to do and can’t think for herself because the game developers believe that woman are unable to think and make decisions independently without the help of a strong white man.

Throughout many points in the game for the plot to move forward a man is always needed. Like when Lara needs to climb to the top of a mountain she is unable to climb up without the help of a man. When Lara is trying to escape from prison she is forced to escape with the help of a man. When Lara is trying to find a secret entrance to a lost city a man is the one who reveals the entrance to her. For F***’s sake! Everything about the character arc of Lara Croft involves the unnecessary assistance of a man which is F***ing sexist and shouldn’t be allowed in video games.

I was barely able to finish Rise of the Tomb Raider with all this triggering that was happening throughout the game. I think I might even have PTSD! Not the type the people in the military get, REAL PTSD.

Everything about Lara’s character design is sexist, her clothes are to revealing and insinuate her slim figure, her breasts and but are too big and the biggest problem with Lara’s character design is that it f***ing fat shams “larger women“ who have REAL curves. At one point a “larger character“ in the game dies due to their size. When will game devs learn to not set unrealistic body standards for people who identify as a woman. This is not what real beauty looks like. Check your F***ing privilege your S*** lords. F***.

That’s the other thing about the writing, other characters in the game refer to Lara as a woman. What the F*** is this gender binary Bull S***. No one at any point in the game asks what Lara identifies as or asks what pro-nouns to use to describe her gender. Like I said earlier, this is a very difficult game to play due to the heterosexual nature the game normalizes and forces down your throat.

And then the game forces typical tropes in the story like Lara having to save a heterosexual male. Why the F*** isn’t he a LGBTQAR! Like seriously, the gay and trans community is completely under-represented in this game to the point of THERE IS NO LGBTQAR CHARACTERS IN THIS GAME, For F***’s Sake!

I am sick of this F***ing S*** that keeps happening in the gaming industry where it forces these incorrect behaviours down your throat. Why can’t more main stream games be like; Life is Strange, Gone Home, Sunset, Depression Quest, Emily is Away.

Wouldn’t Rise of the Tomb Raider be great if Lara was; body size realistic, homosexual, trans fluid and independent who uses their own pro-nouns and corrects others when they describe Lara as a gender binary woman instead of who Lara really is.

Imagine if the game started with Lara and Jonah climbing the mountain and Lara explaining her gender identity and what pronouns Jonah should be using when talking to her. And also it would be great if Lara could talk about why feminism is needed in First World countries where women are oppressed and marginalized because of the CIS White Men that inhabit it.

This is why more games need Feminist on the writing team so ideas that I wrote above can happen and improve the representation of feminism video games.

There are other elements to Rise of the Tomb Raider like the gameplay which has been improved from the previous game but you’ll probably not notice any of these changes due to all the triggering you will go through whilst playing this game. As a Feminist, I actually had to take a break from being a Feminist to actually notice the gameplay changes, but even when I turned it off I still got triggered, like at the start of the game:
Lara can dive under water, but can’t stay under for too long cause she’ll run out of air. Look at this lazy as piece of S*** game design. How I would’ve designed the dive mechanic is by having Lara identify as a fish for these segments so she’d be able to breathe under water perfectly.

The other element to Rise of the Tomb Raider is the graphics. The presentation looks okay I guess, other than the sexualize clothing all the women have been designed to wear by the heterosexual males at Square Enix.

First the game will trigger you for violence against a women because Lara’s a women, then you’ll get triggered because the game developers force gender binary beliefs down your throat, S*** on anyone who identifies as trans or homosexual and have designed pro men story arcs that Lara can’t go through without the help of a man. And the lazy, unintuitive gameplay and sexist graphics will have you wanting to turn this game off in the first 10 minutes and get a refund.

Final Thoughts
My gender neutral friends, I really wanted to like Rise of the Tomb Raider I really did, but due to the disgusting treatment of women, the LGBTQAR community and for fat shaming every person who has real curves and every other problem listed above I have no choice but to give Rise of the Tomb Raider a 0/10.

Due to all the PTSD this game has given me, to help pay for my medical bills support me on patron, go fund me, kick starter and possible. Thank you. And please like and subscribe.

Below is the script for the video above.

Oh dear. I wonder why ED does this to himself -Cat

100% Accurate Review Of:
The Walking Dead: Michonne EP1 (PC)
By Edward Luke DeYoung, Pants Gaming.

The Walking Dead: Mic-onie?, Monochrome?, Michael? Chlorine? Michonne? EP1 In the End, Is a game? I guess you could say it’s an interactive narrative?I dunnomade by Telltale Games, TWD: Michonne EP1 follows Michonne in her adventures with a bunch of dudes on a boat. So hoist the sales as we set off to take a look at.

I just want it to end-

As stated above, Michonne follows Michonne through a specific time period in her life. It uses flashbacks to give back story on her character which seems to be new for Telltale Games to use interactive cut scenes that flashback between current and beforeI’d make a time joke here but it’s not worth it.

Since Telltale Games are story driven I won’t talk about specific beats to muchThe cast is very interesting as well as the performances and writing. All theumcharacters seemed unique and didn’t seem blandexcept for Michonne herself...

Now, I’m not gonna go into the whole argument about “we need more strong women in games“ and crap, and I understand that Michonne has gone through a lot, and she really doesn’t have anything to live for, but. Her lines specifically make her soooooo boring. Her delivery is okay, but this is especially noticeable at the start. After Act 1, her lines get a bit betterI guess

Anyway that’s the story part

Now let’s drift onto the gameplayMichonne is a point and clickso you point and click on stuff.It does seem to be a little more streamlined compared to previous Telltale Games but you’ll be to busy killing zombies to notice. The action in Michonne is pretty brutal √¢‚Ǩ‚Äú I’m surprised it passed the Australian Classification Board √¢‚Ǩ‚Äú Also there is a lot of blood. And not just because Michonne is on her period!

Sorry.

The presentation for Michonne is very visual. When looking towards your monitor you will see something that can be identified as what it is supposed to look likeI dunno what you really want me to say? It looks like every other Telltale Game.

In the end, just like in life, Michonne is denied the sweet embrace of death we all long.

10/10

M-m-m-maybe check us out?

Pants Gaming is run by three Australian degenerates:
-ED the Autist, Editor and Audiophile
-Sam the Drunk and Fallout Fanboy
-Cat the Weeb, Paranoid and editor.......?

DRM, or Digital Rights Management, is a “systematic approach to copyright protection for digital media“ and a way to “prevent unauthorized redistribution of digital media and restrict the ways consumers can copy content they've purchased“.

So basically, due to all the nasty, poor, disgusting people who illegally pirate games and other digital media, a new system had to be created to protect the copyright holders’ content.

Now, I know you’re thinking, “But DRM sucks, especially always online DRM. I’m sometimes unable to play games because of it“. Or “Passive DRM programs like Steam, Origin and uPlay (which all double as digital store fronts) ruin games, and end up being another program running in the background“. But I’m here today to prove to you why DRM is great and how it will revolutionize the gaming industry.

1. It makes sure game developers get paid for their work

Now I don’t know about you, but we live in a capitalist society, where if you make something worthwhile you should get paid for your time and effort.

Pirates, on the other hand, want to unrestrainedly eradicate our capitalist society and believe we should be living in a socialist society where everything should be free, and you know what the next step from socialism is? COMMUNISM. And in a Communistic society, Developers wouldn’t be able to receive a fair pay for a fair day’s work.

2. It makes you feel safe

When you buy a game you should feel safe that no one will be able to steal your game key. DRM makes sure that once your key has been activated, it will stay linked to your account and that it won’t be stolen by criminals.

3. C’mon, it’s 2016

Why would you want to torrent or illegally download a game in 2016? What? Are you a criminal? (As well as sexist?)

4. Pro tip, you can’t anymore

Due to the huge rise of pirating in the gaming industry, a software firm had enough and reached into their code and made Denuvo. Denuvo is literally the greatest thing ever to happen in the gaming industry since pong. It BTFO’s pirates and protects games from being illegally distributed.

5. Quit being poor!

Yes I know, “this isn’t why DRM is great, you’re just reinforcing a sad truth I’m trying to forget about“. But it needs to be said, it’s simple. If people weren’t poor, DRM wouldn’t be a thing!

Remember what I said earlier, that due to poor people pirating digital media like video games, DRM had to be created to protect digital media. Wellif you weren’t so poor, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we? So quit being so lazy! Get off your lazy arse and go find a job! Go to college if you have to! Just do something! You’re hurting the gaming industry!

6. Valve's Gabe Newell has died for your sins!

As it reads in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, No one gets good deals and amazing service except through me“. Gabe Newell died for the sin of illegally downloading games and yet we continue! Was his death for nothing!? We all demand better in the gaming industry, but maybe it’s not DRM that should be blamed but us!

7. I shouldn’t be the one who has to educate you

Seriously you lazy bastards, why do I have to teach you this? You should just know that pirating is bad and you shouldn’t illegally download digital content! What? Do you hate F R E E D O M ?

8. C’mon! It’s 2016!!!

I can’t believe I need to say this again, but I will! Why pirate games when you can just spend your money and buy them! You do realise illegally downloading games is against the law right? You could even go to jail!

9. DRM is paving the way for the future

I’ve already mentioned that DRM programs like Denuvo is already Rekin’ pirates and because of it, it is paving the way for a pirate free gaming industry. Developers will one day be able to put out games whenever they think the game is complete, and at whatever price they believe is reasonable.

10. Listen and Believe

What I have written in this article is THE TRUTH. DRM is great and will revolutionise the gaming industry and digital media. If you follow the reasons listed above, game developers will be paid in full for their honest work and not feel like they need to worry about job security.

And one day, we might live in a world free of pirates trying to turn our great capitalist society into a communist one.

Thank you for reading my informative and objective article on DRM. If you wish to join me in my fight to DE_Stroy DRM, then follow me on twitter “@MrED_What“. And why not read some of our other articles on our profile.

Sources: http://searchcio.techtarget.com/definition/digital...

Please note, this is satire

This is what ED does when he doesn't have access to his computer...
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